180 Days

I can't believe tomorrow our little baby bug will be 6 months old!

I also can't believe the personal and emotional changes I have gone through, since becoming a mom.

::I'm so very proud of myself for making it this far breastfeeding. I never in my plans for motherhood expected it to mean so much to me, let alone, make it this long!

:: I now truly understand the portion of our wedding vows..."For better or worse". It takes on a whole new meaning some days. There's been some rough nights and some rough adjustments. But in the end we are better for it and it will make us stronger as a couple.

:: I have a whole new appreciation and respect for my own parents.

:: I miss sleep and regular bras in ways I cannot even explain.

:: I never knew I could have so much love in my heart!

:: I can't believe how much softer of a person I have become.

:: I had no idea, in a million years, what the sound of your own baby's laugh does to your soul.

This has been quite the journey so far. With ups and downs and laughter and tears. And to think, it's only been 6 months!

Natures Gifts

Wow! What a busy couple weeks!

For starters, we have a baby ready for food! A Mama ready (almost) to provide.

But what baby can start solids, without a proper bowl and spoon? My thoughts exactly! After a little tire kicking, I made a choice and went with this bowl & spoon from Nova Naturals- handmade in Maine and Vermont. Deliciously perfect!

So, then the quest to fill it. Up until now, well, all the little guy has had is breast milk. So, I went with something gentle to start him off and tried Earthsbest Organic Rice Cereal, mixed with breast milk. Eeh. He didn't love it, I felt it was a little creepy (the dehydrated flakes just look nasty) and just didn't seem like the right choice. So tonight, we introduce Mamas homemade oatmeal! We shall see if this is more my little guys style..Mama tried it last night (after Daddy technically made it!) and it was pretty yummy!

And then there was treats for us... the sap is running! Sugaring time!!!

This is our first year, but we are doing the whole compound with the help of my sisters boyfriend, who is a seasoned tree sappin' vet. We don't have enough trees to get a ton (with a 40 gallon to 1 gallon ratio, who really does?) But we will get enough to enjoy. The first batch was done Saturday night and promptly enjoyed on my pancakes Sunday morning!

Its amazing these simple little gifts- from a wood bowl & spoon to a sugary treat- can all be found right in our backyard!

Two Cents Too Many

Lately I have been getting very frustrated with unsolicited parenting advice. Not to sound ungrateful, because I am sure peoples intentions are good, but I find it somewhat invasive and brazen to tell someone else what they should or shouldn't be doing with their child. It's starting to really drive me nuts!

Now, the odd thing about this, is it's people who don't really know me or my parenting style. Coworkers, my mothers coworkers, my mother in law (who I'm sorry- raised the best man in the world- but her and I couldn't disagree about things MORE). I welcome advice from people when I seek it... or the occasional gentle suggestion from my Mama friends or Childcare provider. But when the receptionist at my work lectures me that I should practice "cry it out" and shouldn't co-sleep, well, that's when the helpfulness ends.

I do have a particular way I parent. That WE parent. Balance to us, is key. We don't co sleep all the time...but when it's called for, we do. I try not to give my son plastic crap, but yeah he has a few plastic toys. We do NOT practice CIO right now, maybe when he's old enough to understand, that will change. I exclusively breast feed, no formula, but foods coming. He has had some vaccinations, but others we have opted against. Balance, balance, balance. Every choice we make for him, we make with a thought process behind it.

I feel like each person should raise their child the way they see fit. You may do things differently than I and vice versa.

I read websites all the time that are filled with these awesome moms who have the best ideas and I adore reading what they do...and I do pick up ideas here and there that I feel apply to my method of parenting. To me, that's so warm and unobtrusive. I much prefer to gather my advice that way! The rest, well, I think I need to just tone them out!

The Struggle of Balance

I am enjoying motherhood more than I ever thought possible. Jack is the absolute definition of love and he is amazing to me (and my husband!) in every way. But with Jack, came a whole boat load of emotions that I expected...and a bunch that I had not.

Being a full time working Mom isnt really a choice for me right now...it's a must. We have a mortgage, a car payment and some other debts that we will be free of by the summer. In additon, my job has my insurance and I have a steadier income than my husband. And because of that, I commute one hour each way to work and have to leave my precious little boy with someone else during the day. I work a shortened day on Wednesdays so I can pick him up at 2:30, but all in all I am away from home (and him) 46 hours a week. And it sucks. Bad.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

I feel like I am missing special moments and he is growing so fast! I feel horrible that he misses me during the day and wonders where I am and why I have left him. Then I feel silly for thinking that. I know all working mothers must go through this. But I never expected it to be so hard.

I'm doing the best I can to make sure I am as present as possible during the few hours we have together during the week. I am still breastfeeding full time. I make sure all dinners are made on Sundays, so when I get home from work there is limited time stuck in the kitchen. I keep telling myself this is what I HAVE to do and by doing it, I am teaching him we need to work for what we have and sometimes do things we don't want to do. Hopefully we will get to a point where I can be home more and it will be that much more enjoyable, because I will know the other side. But for now, I have to find a way to keep myself going and try to be the best (guilt ridden) working mom I can be.

I'm back!

Well here he is! Jackson Evan was born on 10/11/11 at 4:59. Hard to believe 8 weeks have gone by already.... and we love him more and more each day!!

3 Weeks....

Three weeks from today, if all goes as planned, I will be a new mama. It's so hard to belive that 36 weeks have gone by and now, it just 3 short weeks, we will meet our little boy.
It seems surreal to even say that.
Of course, he could come any time now but our hopes is that he cooperates and stays where he is until 10/11. As I mentioned before, we are having a planned c-section due to some medical complications, but I am okay with that. It is what it is.
I have been a ball of emotions for sure. I'm annoyed with people telling me I'll never sleep again (first of all that's not even true....I will sleep again...just not as much....and don't you think I KNOW babies don't sleep 12 hours straight!?) and I'm sick of people at work asking me why I am so tired (um, I'm growing a person inside of me!). But I'm also excited to meet him, excited to have this bond with him and have this family with my husband. I can't wait to see what the combination of the two of us is like! I'm a little sad to lose my freedom, a little scared that we can't manage this financially and a little nervous (or alot nervous) about going through the birth. But all these things will work them self's out and before long it will all be a memory.
So, if you have any advice (please don't scare me!) or words of wisdom, feel free to send them my way. And hopefully I will have a very cute picture to send your way!

6 weeks and counting

I have a little more than 6 weeks left until our little Jack is born. His room is done and I find myself just wandering in at night, subconsciously looking to see if he has arrived yet. I have mountains of laundry to do and we have a bassinet to assemble but other than that, we are ready. I think.
Tiredness has hit me hard and I'm ready for a good nap come 3:00 in the afternoon. Before long, I'm sure this tiredness will be laughable. But at least then it will just be me and I won't have to worry as much about the stress on my body....and maybe I can indulge in a little caffeinated bliss.
I told my husband last night that I am so looking forward to transferring some of this connection to our son to him... and some of the responsibility. I feel like I became a Mom as soon as I felt him move for the first time. And I've cared for him and worried about him from the time I have known he existed. It's like we know each other, but I don't know what he looks like. My husband on the other hand, while I'm sure he loves him, hasn't really cared for him yet. And that's all about to change.

Backyard Bounty

Here in Maine we are just reaching the point where all the hard work is starting to pay off out in the garden. With a little one on the way, we have kept our garden pretty minimal this year, but still have managed to get some great results. I've been busy making pickles and blueberry everything! Tomatoes are about to explode and the pumpkins are already getting huge!

lifes defining moments

There are moments in life that change us a person- who we are, where we are going, what defines us. They are little milestones along the journey of life that serve as markers for events that make us who we are. Moments you remember forever and how you felt at that moment. I have had very few of these precise life changing moments in my short life. The moment my husband and I said our wedding vows and two became one. The moment I held my grandmothers hand for the last time and studied her face, knowing I would never see her again. Watching the blank stick turn from white to a blue positive. All these moments changed me as a person. One day, when I watch the movie of my life played back, they will be on the highlight reel.
Yesterday I added a moment. My husband and I, on our 3rd attempt to discover the gender and well being of our baby, went to get an ultrasound. Since the first time we went to find out who this little one is, our excitement for the news changed to disappointment and then concern. The baby has been breech and stuck in a cramped position by one of the large fibroid tumors I have. The thrill of finding out gender was instantly trumped by our growing concern that problems were about to arise. I've spent the last week trying to move this baby to a better spot and was feeling like maybe nothing had worked.
Laying on the table at 8:30 yesterday morning, I had no expectations. Just a hope that no more bad news would come our way. I already have a planned c-section, so I can cope with the baby being breech and I will cross the bridge of fibroid removal when i get there (5 years ago I had a 10 lb one removed so this isn't my first rodeo). I just wanted that baby to not be stuck. Please, please move!
"Thank god!" the tech instantly gasped as she started the exam. My head jerked from the screen to her face. Sure enough the baby had found a more spacious home, on my right side, away from the growing invaders. She tells us how worried she was after we left the last time and relief swept our faces. Before the news that we were in the clear (for now anyway- one day at a time!) she tells us the news that only seemed like icing on the cake.....
My emotions came out all at once before my mind had even registered what she had said....laughter, tears and sobbing.....
My husband stood there with tears in his eyes and grabbed my hand.....
We will be the parents of a little boy.

20 weeks

Has your head ever been so jumbled up you have no idea where to begin processing your thoughts? Let alone take a moment to organize them enough to write them down?
Well, that's been me lately!
Our little one decided to be totally uncooperative at the last doctors appointment...so I have no news to report! The baby is breech and hopefully will flip around before our next appointment on June 7th. Not only so we can discover the sex, but so some necessary measurements can be done that couldn't be done last time. We opted not to get several of the genetic testing done (primarily due to cost) so this was our first chance to check in and make sure things are going fine. Needless to say, it was a real learning experience for us. We were really let down when we left the doctors, but after processing it for a bit we realized it wasn't really disappointment. We were so excited we didn't really realize it and were more shocked that things didn't go as we planned! The whole thing suddenly seemed real and we needed to experience that as a couple. I think it got us on the same page. I already feel so much more connected to the baby then I think my husband feels, so it was nice to see this invoke emotion from him.
Next time we will be a little more prepared when this parenting thing doesn't always go like you planned! Every step of this has really been a learning experience. We are growing too just like our little one!

Monday, Monday.

This Monday seems like it's an eternity away and the closer it gets the longer it seems to take to get here.

Monday we find out (hopefully!) if we are having a boy or a girl!
I find myself (and I am sure my husband does too, but he keeps it to himself) day dreaming more and more about what and who this child will be. I get a pang of joy over something that reminds me it could be a girl and then I tell myself to not get my hopes up. I see something that makes me feel it's a boy and I get so excited I can barely contain myself.......and again, tell myself to stop. I have stopped myself from reading the baby name book for the weekend. I'm trying so hard to not get excited one way or another. Really, I think I am trying to talk myself OUT of having a prefference, which maybe deep down I may have.

Whatever the outcome, we are happy, excited, feeling more and more ready and feeling blessed. Whomever this child is, we are really happy to have them in our life!
Stay tuned.... Tuesday morning I should be in a very different mindset!!!

One day I'll have something to write about....

This has been a very odd week. I feel like I have so little to write about, because my life suddenly feels like it is without much fresh exciting things to report. Eat, sleep, work, rub belly, question can I really do this, repeat.
So much soon will be new, maybe I should enjoy this sedentary pace. I am happy and I am excited. But I am also sick of this new body already, worrying about how we will deal with ALL of this and stressing over who I am going to become. I've always wanted kids, but have never looked forward to being pregnant. It some ways it has been very different from what I expected. I have this whole new gratitude to my parents. I feel more "grown up" and less selfish. But I also feel less strong, less sexy and much more vulnerable. My confidence has been replaced by gnawing fears that other people seem to keep planting in my head.
We have been doing our best to pay off bills, save up money, going out to eat together, sleeping in and soaking up the quietness of an empty house. I think we are both ready for someone else to show up here and make life even more interesting.

Inexpensive cusine- Pastys

This is a really easy, very cheap and filling meal! It is a traditional Finnish dish and can be made easily for a family of two or twelve! It is a great way to get non veggie lovers to eat some veggies and non meat lovers to eat some meat. It has really been a hit in our house! If you are making this for 4 people, this is the measurements I would use, but they are not exact, so feel free to add more or less of an item. If making for more people, simply double or triple the recipe. I bet they freeze okay too!

1. Mix 1 1/2 to 2 lbs ground turkey or hamburger with some chopped veggies -celery (about 3 stalks), carrots (2 large ones peeled), a medium onion and a couple peeled chopped potatoes in a bowl. Add 1 half of a rutabaga peeled and shredded. (Even if you don't think you like it- add it! It adds a ton of flavor and cooks down to nothing!) salt and pepper mixture to taste. Mix by hand.


2. Roll out ready made pie crust and cut in half. (If you want to make your own crust go for it- but I don't have time for that!) Put a good handful of the meat mixture on one half and fold over like a small calzone. Seal the edges and poke air holes to vent.


3. Place on greased cookie sheet or glass dish and bake @ 375 degrees for apox 1 hour or until golden brown and meat is cooked through. Is great served with Ketchup!! Enjoy!

You will be surprised how much filling this makes! If you have more filling then crust, you can bake the leftovers like a meatloaf.

****PICS TO FOLLOW ****

I don't care if I live in Maine.... I still don't like it!

While it seems like the rest of the world is watching for budding trees and blossoms, greening grass and mud season, somehow here in Maine we have regressed back into winter!

We are in the 8" to 12" area...... you have GOT to be kidding me!

(Credit to News Channel 13 for their snowmap...)

10-11-11 at 12:00

Due to medical issues I have had in the past, the decision was made before I even got pregant that I would need to deliver via C-Section. At first I was sad about this, it didn't fit into how I "expected" to bring my baby into the world. But quickly, I got over it. Now that I am pregnant, I am very comfortable with the idea of it. At my last doctors appointment, they sceduled me in for my delivery. Our little one will be arriving Oct 11, 2011 around 12 noon! Pretty neat, seeing how we don't even know what we are having yet :) In honor of my little "11" baby, I thought it would be fun to share 11 things about me. (Also, I really have nothing else to share today!)

1. I've been with my husband for 12 years, married for 2. We have never broken up-even for a night.


2. I have a younger sister who is a emergency room RN. I on the other hand pass out at the very thought of a needle. (I am being a trooper during all this pregnancy blood work though!)


3. My parents are still married and so are my husbands parents. We don't know a whole lot of people that can say that.


4. When I was a kid my parents worked hard to be able to allow us to travel the world. I have been to Germany, Portugal, Canada and all over the USA.


5. My wedding day was an absolute comedy of errors. Pretty much EVERYTHING went wrong. But he is perfect and the day was one of the best ever despite it all!


6. My sister bought the house right next door to me and my husband. It really is fun and unique- great if you need a friend, an egg or an extra oven at thanksgiving! Plus we have great backyard parties!


7. My grandmother once dated the actor who played Boss Hogg on the original Dukes of Hazzard TV show!


8. I graduated high school in 3 years because I hated every moment of it. Now I look bad and maybe it wasnt that bad.


9. I wanted to be a detective as a kid. Now I sell energy products and appliances. Boring!


10. I'm really nervous and scared about becoming a parent! Not so much that I'll mess the kid up, but that I will be able to handle and afford all of it!


11. I've never had a hamburger from a fast food resturant in my whole life!

TGIF

You can't see the dogs eyes but he is sound asleep with the tablecloth covering most of his face.

Hiding from the world that (I imagine even for a dog) has it's days.

I've felt like this too all week, ol' boy.

Thank heavens for weekends.

Inexpensive gourmet - French Lemon Creme Chicken

I love to be a creative cook on a low budget. Here's one of my favorite recipes that you can alter to fit whats in your cupboard.

Lemon Creme Chicken

• cut and pound thin boneless chicken breast (could use any cut)
• combine plain breadcrumbs, Parmesan cheese (I use the cheap kind- works just fine) S & P. Dredge chicken in mixture.
• Melt 3 tbsp (give or take depending on how much chicken you use) butter in fry pan and transfer chicken, until golden brown

• Remove chicken and transfer to oven safe dish. Reduce pan heat.
  
• Add to the same pan the chicken was in, lemon juice (about 2 tbsp), zest of lemon to taste (if you like more lemon flavor) a splash of your favorite white wine (apox 3 tbsps or to taste) s&p, and 1 tbsp butter (unless there was some butter left in there from the chicken. Heat on medium until mixed well, making sure to get all those good drippings up from the chicken.


• Add 3/4 cup half and half (or go big and use cream) and heat till warm. Dump over chicken and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 375 for apox 25 mins or until browned and chicken is cooked through.

• Serve with orzo, buttered noodles or potatoes. Finish with a side of green beans. Enjoy!

making the nest

Pretty soon this kid is going to have everything he or she needs and then some. I have been saying "yes please!" to anyone who has something to give me. So far we have all major furniture covered and well on our way to piles of the cutest toys, books and clothing. My mom has even given me stuff that was mine that stayed in perfect condition. It's pretty neat to go through all my old baby clothes! This handmade outfit was mine as a baby and it is still in perfect condition!

I have decided that boy or girl, I want the room to be a blend of new and old, worn and perfect, country and comfort. I'm thinking somewhere along a log cabin theme. Teddy bears, rustic and charming. The walls are very light yellow with white trim and soon to be dark wood floors. I am working on a quilt that is navy, cream, mustard & maroon and have a matching new 100% cotton braided rug to go over the wood floors. So far the furniture is quite a mix, but I prefer that. We have a display shelf of our old childhood toys that are far from baby's reach. I don't want the room to look like a page ripped out of a baby catalog, rather it be a place that has already "rich in history" surroundings.

What it means to be from Maine.

They say in Maine if you don't like the weather, wait a minute. Well after a 65 degree sunny snowmelting friday, Saturday morning was quite the dreary surprise. Another 5 inches expected today. Oh joy.

This moment

I think the joy of having baby is finally starting to set in, for both of us. Not that we havent been excited or happy about it, just more nervous and surprised than anything.

This morning on my way to work, I couldnt help but think about our wedding day and all the moments that led up to it. All the things that have happened since. How much fun we have had as a couple over the years and how many adventures we have had. And I can't help but think this might just be the best adventure yet.