I'm back!

Well here he is! Jackson Evan was born on 10/11/11 at 4:59. Hard to believe 8 weeks have gone by already.... and we love him more and more each day!!

3 Weeks....

Three weeks from today, if all goes as planned, I will be a new mama. It's so hard to belive that 36 weeks have gone by and now, it just 3 short weeks, we will meet our little boy.
It seems surreal to even say that.
Of course, he could come any time now but our hopes is that he cooperates and stays where he is until 10/11. As I mentioned before, we are having a planned c-section due to some medical complications, but I am okay with that. It is what it is.
I have been a ball of emotions for sure. I'm annoyed with people telling me I'll never sleep again (first of all that's not even true....I will sleep again...just not as much....and don't you think I KNOW babies don't sleep 12 hours straight!?) and I'm sick of people at work asking me why I am so tired (um, I'm growing a person inside of me!). But I'm also excited to meet him, excited to have this bond with him and have this family with my husband. I can't wait to see what the combination of the two of us is like! I'm a little sad to lose my freedom, a little scared that we can't manage this financially and a little nervous (or alot nervous) about going through the birth. But all these things will work them self's out and before long it will all be a memory.
So, if you have any advice (please don't scare me!) or words of wisdom, feel free to send them my way. And hopefully I will have a very cute picture to send your way!

6 weeks and counting

I have a little more than 6 weeks left until our little Jack is born. His room is done and I find myself just wandering in at night, subconsciously looking to see if he has arrived yet. I have mountains of laundry to do and we have a bassinet to assemble but other than that, we are ready. I think.
Tiredness has hit me hard and I'm ready for a good nap come 3:00 in the afternoon. Before long, I'm sure this tiredness will be laughable. But at least then it will just be me and I won't have to worry as much about the stress on my body....and maybe I can indulge in a little caffeinated bliss.
I told my husband last night that I am so looking forward to transferring some of this connection to our son to him... and some of the responsibility. I feel like I became a Mom as soon as I felt him move for the first time. And I've cared for him and worried about him from the time I have known he existed. It's like we know each other, but I don't know what he looks like. My husband on the other hand, while I'm sure he loves him, hasn't really cared for him yet. And that's all about to change.

Backyard Bounty

Here in Maine we are just reaching the point where all the hard work is starting to pay off out in the garden. With a little one on the way, we have kept our garden pretty minimal this year, but still have managed to get some great results. I've been busy making pickles and blueberry everything! Tomatoes are about to explode and the pumpkins are already getting huge!

lifes defining moments

There are moments in life that change us a person- who we are, where we are going, what defines us. They are little milestones along the journey of life that serve as markers for events that make us who we are. Moments you remember forever and how you felt at that moment. I have had very few of these precise life changing moments in my short life. The moment my husband and I said our wedding vows and two became one. The moment I held my grandmothers hand for the last time and studied her face, knowing I would never see her again. Watching the blank stick turn from white to a blue positive. All these moments changed me as a person. One day, when I watch the movie of my life played back, they will be on the highlight reel.
Yesterday I added a moment. My husband and I, on our 3rd attempt to discover the gender and well being of our baby, went to get an ultrasound. Since the first time we went to find out who this little one is, our excitement for the news changed to disappointment and then concern. The baby has been breech and stuck in a cramped position by one of the large fibroid tumors I have. The thrill of finding out gender was instantly trumped by our growing concern that problems were about to arise. I've spent the last week trying to move this baby to a better spot and was feeling like maybe nothing had worked.
Laying on the table at 8:30 yesterday morning, I had no expectations. Just a hope that no more bad news would come our way. I already have a planned c-section, so I can cope with the baby being breech and I will cross the bridge of fibroid removal when i get there (5 years ago I had a 10 lb one removed so this isn't my first rodeo). I just wanted that baby to not be stuck. Please, please move!
"Thank god!" the tech instantly gasped as she started the exam. My head jerked from the screen to her face. Sure enough the baby had found a more spacious home, on my right side, away from the growing invaders. She tells us how worried she was after we left the last time and relief swept our faces. Before the news that we were in the clear (for now anyway- one day at a time!) she tells us the news that only seemed like icing on the cake.....
My emotions came out all at once before my mind had even registered what she had said....laughter, tears and sobbing.....
My husband stood there with tears in his eyes and grabbed my hand.....
We will be the parents of a little boy.

20 weeks

Has your head ever been so jumbled up you have no idea where to begin processing your thoughts? Let alone take a moment to organize them enough to write them down?
Well, that's been me lately!
Our little one decided to be totally uncooperative at the last doctors appointment...so I have no news to report! The baby is breech and hopefully will flip around before our next appointment on June 7th. Not only so we can discover the sex, but so some necessary measurements can be done that couldn't be done last time. We opted not to get several of the genetic testing done (primarily due to cost) so this was our first chance to check in and make sure things are going fine. Needless to say, it was a real learning experience for us. We were really let down when we left the doctors, but after processing it for a bit we realized it wasn't really disappointment. We were so excited we didn't really realize it and were more shocked that things didn't go as we planned! The whole thing suddenly seemed real and we needed to experience that as a couple. I think it got us on the same page. I already feel so much more connected to the baby then I think my husband feels, so it was nice to see this invoke emotion from him.
Next time we will be a little more prepared when this parenting thing doesn't always go like you planned! Every step of this has really been a learning experience. We are growing too just like our little one!

Monday, Monday.

This Monday seems like it's an eternity away and the closer it gets the longer it seems to take to get here.

Monday we find out (hopefully!) if we are having a boy or a girl!
I find myself (and I am sure my husband does too, but he keeps it to himself) day dreaming more and more about what and who this child will be. I get a pang of joy over something that reminds me it could be a girl and then I tell myself to not get my hopes up. I see something that makes me feel it's a boy and I get so excited I can barely contain myself.......and again, tell myself to stop. I have stopped myself from reading the baby name book for the weekend. I'm trying so hard to not get excited one way or another. Really, I think I am trying to talk myself OUT of having a prefference, which maybe deep down I may have.

Whatever the outcome, we are happy, excited, feeling more and more ready and feeling blessed. Whomever this child is, we are really happy to have them in our life!
Stay tuned.... Tuesday morning I should be in a very different mindset!!!

One day I'll have something to write about....

This has been a very odd week. I feel like I have so little to write about, because my life suddenly feels like it is without much fresh exciting things to report. Eat, sleep, work, rub belly, question can I really do this, repeat.
So much soon will be new, maybe I should enjoy this sedentary pace. I am happy and I am excited. But I am also sick of this new body already, worrying about how we will deal with ALL of this and stressing over who I am going to become. I've always wanted kids, but have never looked forward to being pregnant. It some ways it has been very different from what I expected. I have this whole new gratitude to my parents. I feel more "grown up" and less selfish. But I also feel less strong, less sexy and much more vulnerable. My confidence has been replaced by gnawing fears that other people seem to keep planting in my head.
We have been doing our best to pay off bills, save up money, going out to eat together, sleeping in and soaking up the quietness of an empty house. I think we are both ready for someone else to show up here and make life even more interesting.

Inexpensive cusine- Pastys

This is a really easy, very cheap and filling meal! It is a traditional Finnish dish and can be made easily for a family of two or twelve! It is a great way to get non veggie lovers to eat some veggies and non meat lovers to eat some meat. It has really been a hit in our house! If you are making this for 4 people, this is the measurements I would use, but they are not exact, so feel free to add more or less of an item. If making for more people, simply double or triple the recipe. I bet they freeze okay too!

1. Mix 1 1/2 to 2 lbs ground turkey or hamburger with some chopped veggies -celery (about 3 stalks), carrots (2 large ones peeled), a medium onion and a couple peeled chopped potatoes in a bowl. Add 1 half of a rutabaga peeled and shredded. (Even if you don't think you like it- add it! It adds a ton of flavor and cooks down to nothing!) salt and pepper mixture to taste. Mix by hand.


2. Roll out ready made pie crust and cut in half. (If you want to make your own crust go for it- but I don't have time for that!) Put a good handful of the meat mixture on one half and fold over like a small calzone. Seal the edges and poke air holes to vent.


3. Place on greased cookie sheet or glass dish and bake @ 375 degrees for apox 1 hour or until golden brown and meat is cooked through. Is great served with Ketchup!! Enjoy!

You will be surprised how much filling this makes! If you have more filling then crust, you can bake the leftovers like a meatloaf.

****PICS TO FOLLOW ****

I don't care if I live in Maine.... I still don't like it!

While it seems like the rest of the world is watching for budding trees and blossoms, greening grass and mud season, somehow here in Maine we have regressed back into winter!

We are in the 8" to 12" area...... you have GOT to be kidding me!

(Credit to News Channel 13 for their snowmap...)

10-11-11 at 12:00

Due to medical issues I have had in the past, the decision was made before I even got pregant that I would need to deliver via C-Section. At first I was sad about this, it didn't fit into how I "expected" to bring my baby into the world. But quickly, I got over it. Now that I am pregnant, I am very comfortable with the idea of it. At my last doctors appointment, they sceduled me in for my delivery. Our little one will be arriving Oct 11, 2011 around 12 noon! Pretty neat, seeing how we don't even know what we are having yet :) In honor of my little "11" baby, I thought it would be fun to share 11 things about me. (Also, I really have nothing else to share today!)

1. I've been with my husband for 12 years, married for 2. We have never broken up-even for a night.


2. I have a younger sister who is a emergency room RN. I on the other hand pass out at the very thought of a needle. (I am being a trooper during all this pregnancy blood work though!)


3. My parents are still married and so are my husbands parents. We don't know a whole lot of people that can say that.


4. When I was a kid my parents worked hard to be able to allow us to travel the world. I have been to Germany, Portugal, Canada and all over the USA.


5. My wedding day was an absolute comedy of errors. Pretty much EVERYTHING went wrong. But he is perfect and the day was one of the best ever despite it all!


6. My sister bought the house right next door to me and my husband. It really is fun and unique- great if you need a friend, an egg or an extra oven at thanksgiving! Plus we have great backyard parties!


7. My grandmother once dated the actor who played Boss Hogg on the original Dukes of Hazzard TV show!


8. I graduated high school in 3 years because I hated every moment of it. Now I look bad and maybe it wasnt that bad.


9. I wanted to be a detective as a kid. Now I sell energy products and appliances. Boring!


10. I'm really nervous and scared about becoming a parent! Not so much that I'll mess the kid up, but that I will be able to handle and afford all of it!


11. I've never had a hamburger from a fast food resturant in my whole life!

TGIF

You can't see the dogs eyes but he is sound asleep with the tablecloth covering most of his face.

Hiding from the world that (I imagine even for a dog) has it's days.

I've felt like this too all week, ol' boy.

Thank heavens for weekends.

Inexpensive gourmet - French Lemon Creme Chicken

I love to be a creative cook on a low budget. Here's one of my favorite recipes that you can alter to fit whats in your cupboard.

Lemon Creme Chicken

• cut and pound thin boneless chicken breast (could use any cut)
• combine plain breadcrumbs, Parmesan cheese (I use the cheap kind- works just fine) S & P. Dredge chicken in mixture.
• Melt 3 tbsp (give or take depending on how much chicken you use) butter in fry pan and transfer chicken, until golden brown

• Remove chicken and transfer to oven safe dish. Reduce pan heat.
  
• Add to the same pan the chicken was in, lemon juice (about 2 tbsp), zest of lemon to taste (if you like more lemon flavor) a splash of your favorite white wine (apox 3 tbsps or to taste) s&p, and 1 tbsp butter (unless there was some butter left in there from the chicken. Heat on medium until mixed well, making sure to get all those good drippings up from the chicken.


• Add 3/4 cup half and half (or go big and use cream) and heat till warm. Dump over chicken and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 375 for apox 25 mins or until browned and chicken is cooked through.

• Serve with orzo, buttered noodles or potatoes. Finish with a side of green beans. Enjoy!

making the nest

Pretty soon this kid is going to have everything he or she needs and then some. I have been saying "yes please!" to anyone who has something to give me. So far we have all major furniture covered and well on our way to piles of the cutest toys, books and clothing. My mom has even given me stuff that was mine that stayed in perfect condition. It's pretty neat to go through all my old baby clothes! This handmade outfit was mine as a baby and it is still in perfect condition!

I have decided that boy or girl, I want the room to be a blend of new and old, worn and perfect, country and comfort. I'm thinking somewhere along a log cabin theme. Teddy bears, rustic and charming. The walls are very light yellow with white trim and soon to be dark wood floors. I am working on a quilt that is navy, cream, mustard & maroon and have a matching new 100% cotton braided rug to go over the wood floors. So far the furniture is quite a mix, but I prefer that. We have a display shelf of our old childhood toys that are far from baby's reach. I don't want the room to look like a page ripped out of a baby catalog, rather it be a place that has already "rich in history" surroundings.

What it means to be from Maine.

They say in Maine if you don't like the weather, wait a minute. Well after a 65 degree sunny snowmelting friday, Saturday morning was quite the dreary surprise. Another 5 inches expected today. Oh joy.

This moment

I think the joy of having baby is finally starting to set in, for both of us. Not that we havent been excited or happy about it, just more nervous and surprised than anything.

This morning on my way to work, I couldnt help but think about our wedding day and all the moments that led up to it. All the things that have happened since. How much fun we have had as a couple over the years and how many adventures we have had. And I can't help but think this might just be the best adventure yet.

Peppermint Scrubber

Worlds Best Household Scrubber

1 cup salt (I use course canning salt)
1 cup borax
1/2 cup baking soda
10 drops scented essential oil (I use peppermint)

Mix together and keep in sealed container.
Use on sinks, toilets, tubs, etc...
scrub with a scrub brush.
Works great and smells oh-so clean!

embracing the new....letting go of the old....and being okay with it

Along with the excitement / surprise / nervousness of finding out we are about to become new parents, I have felt a variety of other unexpected emotions. Ones I wasn't expecting and am still adjusting too. While this new experience has brought me that much closer to my husband (and surprisingly my mother of all people!), I can't help but feel a little alone. A little left out. And a little misunderstood. And now a huge sense of guilt that I shouldn't been feeling this way, has left me confused and frustrated on top of it all! Pregnancy hormones? Maybe.

My husband and I made the decision to tell our friends and family right away. We are a close bunch and I wanted supported regardless of the turn out. People were happy and very congratulatory to us. Some more than others. But soon after then the changes came. Girlfriends stopped calling to hang out. Friends starting acting different around me. I no longer was one of the gang, but a burden almost. And I don't just feel it- my husband can feel it too.

Now some may say its time to get new friends and that may be a portion of the problem here. I love them to death, but I question if they love me back. When my girlfriends were busy having their babies, yes I continued to party and live my everyday life (after all I wasn't the one pregnant) BUT I sure as hell didn't make them travel to my house to see me or blow smoke in their direction when then were near by or taunt them with alcoholic drinks that they couldn't consume. No. I went with them baby shopping, drove them to drs appointments when their husbands couldn't go, watched the new born babes so they could regain some romance with their hubbys. I even painted the nursery walls for one of them!!!

So, maybe I have set myself up for this. Maybe I gave these women more then they can return, especially seeing how they are NOT without child, like I was at the time. I also have a stronger family unit then these girls. We also were the ones to move 20 mins away from everyone. But I can't help but feel used. Lost. Left out. Whats going to happen when we have the child? Will we never see these people again, unless we make the point to travel to them? Will I lose my entire identity as "one of the girls"? Will it even matter after we meet this new little person?

I'm really trying to tell myself that this is part of life. Its the ebb and flow of life. And while it's okay for me to mourn the loss of my former identity, I really should focus on the joy and the new identity I am about to receive. My heart tells me in just a few months this just won't be as big of a deal.

Right now (playing along with Soulemama today!)

Right Now, I am ...
arriving at the realization that I just may be able to handle this motherhood thing!
appreciating the little things we have in life- that people in other parts of the world do not have right now- heat, clean water and a nuclear free atmosphere.
celebrating my growing belly :)

learning how to crochet a blanket for the sweet new babe.

thinking I may stick to quilting.....
hearing the hustle and bustle of these people I share my days with, getting ready to end our work day.
noticing I have more patience these days..... for some things.
wondering what creative things I can do to make our little ones room oh-so special and unique.
deciding what bills get paid this week and what will just have to wait.
wishing that with the spring comes renewed income opportunties!

Pea in the Pod

What a whirlwind our lives have become since I wrote you last! All the house projects, the summer planning, dealing with all this snow! And....our little family is growing by one!

So many things are on our already full plates, that this little precious addition, this little person, well getting ready for them has really become priority and made us want (and need) to do everything on our "to do list" now!

Everything is always perfect in the planning mode. Seasoned Mothers will laugh and scoff at my "kind of mother I want to be" goals. But I think its good to have a destination and I think if I had a child any younger I wouldnt be ready (or even begin) to know how to be the Mother I really want to be. I'm sure plans will change, things won't work out. But I'm sure there will be some successes and I know I will be atleast on the right path.

Only a year or so ago did I really become familiar with homesteading and the community that surrounds it. While I have always leaned more toward the "natural" and "self sufficient" side of things, I never really knew how to do the things I desired. Once we purchased our home, I had to discover how, I wanted to know all the things to make my house, our home, more sustainable. I learned to garden, save water, bake bread, countless things, that help and guide our everyday life. Now, I get to learn how to do that with a child. And I think, I hope, we are ready.

For now, it's fun to plan. Its fun to work on the homemade blankets and scoop up cheap finds for the eclectic and different baby nursery that I want. I will be sure to post some photos along the way!