making the nest

Pretty soon this kid is going to have everything he or she needs and then some. I have been saying "yes please!" to anyone who has something to give me. So far we have all major furniture covered and well on our way to piles of the cutest toys, books and clothing. My mom has even given me stuff that was mine that stayed in perfect condition. It's pretty neat to go through all my old baby clothes! This handmade outfit was mine as a baby and it is still in perfect condition!

I have decided that boy or girl, I want the room to be a blend of new and old, worn and perfect, country and comfort. I'm thinking somewhere along a log cabin theme. Teddy bears, rustic and charming. The walls are very light yellow with white trim and soon to be dark wood floors. I am working on a quilt that is navy, cream, mustard & maroon and have a matching new 100% cotton braided rug to go over the wood floors. So far the furniture is quite a mix, but I prefer that. We have a display shelf of our old childhood toys that are far from baby's reach. I don't want the room to look like a page ripped out of a baby catalog, rather it be a place that has already "rich in history" surroundings.

What it means to be from Maine.

They say in Maine if you don't like the weather, wait a minute. Well after a 65 degree sunny snowmelting friday, Saturday morning was quite the dreary surprise. Another 5 inches expected today. Oh joy.

This moment

I think the joy of having baby is finally starting to set in, for both of us. Not that we havent been excited or happy about it, just more nervous and surprised than anything.

This morning on my way to work, I couldnt help but think about our wedding day and all the moments that led up to it. All the things that have happened since. How much fun we have had as a couple over the years and how many adventures we have had. And I can't help but think this might just be the best adventure yet.

Peppermint Scrubber

Worlds Best Household Scrubber

1 cup salt (I use course canning salt)
1 cup borax
1/2 cup baking soda
10 drops scented essential oil (I use peppermint)

Mix together and keep in sealed container.
Use on sinks, toilets, tubs, etc...
scrub with a scrub brush.
Works great and smells oh-so clean!

embracing the new....letting go of the old....and being okay with it

Along with the excitement / surprise / nervousness of finding out we are about to become new parents, I have felt a variety of other unexpected emotions. Ones I wasn't expecting and am still adjusting too. While this new experience has brought me that much closer to my husband (and surprisingly my mother of all people!), I can't help but feel a little alone. A little left out. And a little misunderstood. And now a huge sense of guilt that I shouldn't been feeling this way, has left me confused and frustrated on top of it all! Pregnancy hormones? Maybe.

My husband and I made the decision to tell our friends and family right away. We are a close bunch and I wanted supported regardless of the turn out. People were happy and very congratulatory to us. Some more than others. But soon after then the changes came. Girlfriends stopped calling to hang out. Friends starting acting different around me. I no longer was one of the gang, but a burden almost. And I don't just feel it- my husband can feel it too.

Now some may say its time to get new friends and that may be a portion of the problem here. I love them to death, but I question if they love me back. When my girlfriends were busy having their babies, yes I continued to party and live my everyday life (after all I wasn't the one pregnant) BUT I sure as hell didn't make them travel to my house to see me or blow smoke in their direction when then were near by or taunt them with alcoholic drinks that they couldn't consume. No. I went with them baby shopping, drove them to drs appointments when their husbands couldn't go, watched the new born babes so they could regain some romance with their hubbys. I even painted the nursery walls for one of them!!!

So, maybe I have set myself up for this. Maybe I gave these women more then they can return, especially seeing how they are NOT without child, like I was at the time. I also have a stronger family unit then these girls. We also were the ones to move 20 mins away from everyone. But I can't help but feel used. Lost. Left out. Whats going to happen when we have the child? Will we never see these people again, unless we make the point to travel to them? Will I lose my entire identity as "one of the girls"? Will it even matter after we meet this new little person?

I'm really trying to tell myself that this is part of life. Its the ebb and flow of life. And while it's okay for me to mourn the loss of my former identity, I really should focus on the joy and the new identity I am about to receive. My heart tells me in just a few months this just won't be as big of a deal.

Right now (playing along with Soulemama today!)

Right Now, I am ...
arriving at the realization that I just may be able to handle this motherhood thing!
appreciating the little things we have in life- that people in other parts of the world do not have right now- heat, clean water and a nuclear free atmosphere.
celebrating my growing belly :)

learning how to crochet a blanket for the sweet new babe.

thinking I may stick to quilting.....
hearing the hustle and bustle of these people I share my days with, getting ready to end our work day.
noticing I have more patience these days..... for some things.
wondering what creative things I can do to make our little ones room oh-so special and unique.
deciding what bills get paid this week and what will just have to wait.
wishing that with the spring comes renewed income opportunties!

Pea in the Pod

What a whirlwind our lives have become since I wrote you last! All the house projects, the summer planning, dealing with all this snow! And....our little family is growing by one!

So many things are on our already full plates, that this little precious addition, this little person, well getting ready for them has really become priority and made us want (and need) to do everything on our "to do list" now!

Everything is always perfect in the planning mode. Seasoned Mothers will laugh and scoff at my "kind of mother I want to be" goals. But I think its good to have a destination and I think if I had a child any younger I wouldnt be ready (or even begin) to know how to be the Mother I really want to be. I'm sure plans will change, things won't work out. But I'm sure there will be some successes and I know I will be atleast on the right path.

Only a year or so ago did I really become familiar with homesteading and the community that surrounds it. While I have always leaned more toward the "natural" and "self sufficient" side of things, I never really knew how to do the things I desired. Once we purchased our home, I had to discover how, I wanted to know all the things to make my house, our home, more sustainable. I learned to garden, save water, bake bread, countless things, that help and guide our everyday life. Now, I get to learn how to do that with a child. And I think, I hope, we are ready.

For now, it's fun to plan. Its fun to work on the homemade blankets and scoop up cheap finds for the eclectic and different baby nursery that I want. I will be sure to post some photos along the way!