I'm back!

Well here he is! Jackson Evan was born on 10/11/11 at 4:59. Hard to believe 8 weeks have gone by already.... and we love him more and more each day!!

3 Weeks....

Three weeks from today, if all goes as planned, I will be a new mama. It's so hard to belive that 36 weeks have gone by and now, it just 3 short weeks, we will meet our little boy.
It seems surreal to even say that.
Of course, he could come any time now but our hopes is that he cooperates and stays where he is until 10/11. As I mentioned before, we are having a planned c-section due to some medical complications, but I am okay with that. It is what it is.
I have been a ball of emotions for sure. I'm annoyed with people telling me I'll never sleep again (first of all that's not even true....I will sleep again...just not as much....and don't you think I KNOW babies don't sleep 12 hours straight!?) and I'm sick of people at work asking me why I am so tired (um, I'm growing a person inside of me!). But I'm also excited to meet him, excited to have this bond with him and have this family with my husband. I can't wait to see what the combination of the two of us is like! I'm a little sad to lose my freedom, a little scared that we can't manage this financially and a little nervous (or alot nervous) about going through the birth. But all these things will work them self's out and before long it will all be a memory.
So, if you have any advice (please don't scare me!) or words of wisdom, feel free to send them my way. And hopefully I will have a very cute picture to send your way!

6 weeks and counting

I have a little more than 6 weeks left until our little Jack is born. His room is done and I find myself just wandering in at night, subconsciously looking to see if he has arrived yet. I have mountains of laundry to do and we have a bassinet to assemble but other than that, we are ready. I think.
Tiredness has hit me hard and I'm ready for a good nap come 3:00 in the afternoon. Before long, I'm sure this tiredness will be laughable. But at least then it will just be me and I won't have to worry as much about the stress on my body....and maybe I can indulge in a little caffeinated bliss.
I told my husband last night that I am so looking forward to transferring some of this connection to our son to him... and some of the responsibility. I feel like I became a Mom as soon as I felt him move for the first time. And I've cared for him and worried about him from the time I have known he existed. It's like we know each other, but I don't know what he looks like. My husband on the other hand, while I'm sure he loves him, hasn't really cared for him yet. And that's all about to change.

Backyard Bounty

Here in Maine we are just reaching the point where all the hard work is starting to pay off out in the garden. With a little one on the way, we have kept our garden pretty minimal this year, but still have managed to get some great results. I've been busy making pickles and blueberry everything! Tomatoes are about to explode and the pumpkins are already getting huge!

lifes defining moments

There are moments in life that change us a person- who we are, where we are going, what defines us. They are little milestones along the journey of life that serve as markers for events that make us who we are. Moments you remember forever and how you felt at that moment. I have had very few of these precise life changing moments in my short life. The moment my husband and I said our wedding vows and two became one. The moment I held my grandmothers hand for the last time and studied her face, knowing I would never see her again. Watching the blank stick turn from white to a blue positive. All these moments changed me as a person. One day, when I watch the movie of my life played back, they will be on the highlight reel.
Yesterday I added a moment. My husband and I, on our 3rd attempt to discover the gender and well being of our baby, went to get an ultrasound. Since the first time we went to find out who this little one is, our excitement for the news changed to disappointment and then concern. The baby has been breech and stuck in a cramped position by one of the large fibroid tumors I have. The thrill of finding out gender was instantly trumped by our growing concern that problems were about to arise. I've spent the last week trying to move this baby to a better spot and was feeling like maybe nothing had worked.
Laying on the table at 8:30 yesterday morning, I had no expectations. Just a hope that no more bad news would come our way. I already have a planned c-section, so I can cope with the baby being breech and I will cross the bridge of fibroid removal when i get there (5 years ago I had a 10 lb one removed so this isn't my first rodeo). I just wanted that baby to not be stuck. Please, please move!
"Thank god!" the tech instantly gasped as she started the exam. My head jerked from the screen to her face. Sure enough the baby had found a more spacious home, on my right side, away from the growing invaders. She tells us how worried she was after we left the last time and relief swept our faces. Before the news that we were in the clear (for now anyway- one day at a time!) she tells us the news that only seemed like icing on the cake.....
My emotions came out all at once before my mind had even registered what she had said....laughter, tears and sobbing.....
My husband stood there with tears in his eyes and grabbed my hand.....
We will be the parents of a little boy.

20 weeks

Has your head ever been so jumbled up you have no idea where to begin processing your thoughts? Let alone take a moment to organize them enough to write them down?
Well, that's been me lately!
Our little one decided to be totally uncooperative at the last doctors appointment...so I have no news to report! The baby is breech and hopefully will flip around before our next appointment on June 7th. Not only so we can discover the sex, but so some necessary measurements can be done that couldn't be done last time. We opted not to get several of the genetic testing done (primarily due to cost) so this was our first chance to check in and make sure things are going fine. Needless to say, it was a real learning experience for us. We were really let down when we left the doctors, but after processing it for a bit we realized it wasn't really disappointment. We were so excited we didn't really realize it and were more shocked that things didn't go as we planned! The whole thing suddenly seemed real and we needed to experience that as a couple. I think it got us on the same page. I already feel so much more connected to the baby then I think my husband feels, so it was nice to see this invoke emotion from him.
Next time we will be a little more prepared when this parenting thing doesn't always go like you planned! Every step of this has really been a learning experience. We are growing too just like our little one!

Monday, Monday.

This Monday seems like it's an eternity away and the closer it gets the longer it seems to take to get here.

Monday we find out (hopefully!) if we are having a boy or a girl!
I find myself (and I am sure my husband does too, but he keeps it to himself) day dreaming more and more about what and who this child will be. I get a pang of joy over something that reminds me it could be a girl and then I tell myself to not get my hopes up. I see something that makes me feel it's a boy and I get so excited I can barely contain myself.......and again, tell myself to stop. I have stopped myself from reading the baby name book for the weekend. I'm trying so hard to not get excited one way or another. Really, I think I am trying to talk myself OUT of having a prefference, which maybe deep down I may have.

Whatever the outcome, we are happy, excited, feeling more and more ready and feeling blessed. Whomever this child is, we are really happy to have them in our life!
Stay tuned.... Tuesday morning I should be in a very different mindset!!!