180 Days

I can't believe tomorrow our little baby bug will be 6 months old!

I also can't believe the personal and emotional changes I have gone through, since becoming a mom.

::I'm so very proud of myself for making it this far breastfeeding. I never in my plans for motherhood expected it to mean so much to me, let alone, make it this long!

:: I now truly understand the portion of our wedding vows..."For better or worse". It takes on a whole new meaning some days. There's been some rough nights and some rough adjustments. But in the end we are better for it and it will make us stronger as a couple.

:: I have a whole new appreciation and respect for my own parents.

:: I miss sleep and regular bras in ways I cannot even explain.

:: I never knew I could have so much love in my heart!

:: I can't believe how much softer of a person I have become.

:: I had no idea, in a million years, what the sound of your own baby's laugh does to your soul.

This has been quite the journey so far. With ups and downs and laughter and tears. And to think, it's only been 6 months!

Natures Gifts

Wow! What a busy couple weeks!

For starters, we have a baby ready for food! A Mama ready (almost) to provide.

But what baby can start solids, without a proper bowl and spoon? My thoughts exactly! After a little tire kicking, I made a choice and went with this bowl & spoon from Nova Naturals- handmade in Maine and Vermont. Deliciously perfect!

So, then the quest to fill it. Up until now, well, all the little guy has had is breast milk. So, I went with something gentle to start him off and tried Earthsbest Organic Rice Cereal, mixed with breast milk. Eeh. He didn't love it, I felt it was a little creepy (the dehydrated flakes just look nasty) and just didn't seem like the right choice. So tonight, we introduce Mamas homemade oatmeal! We shall see if this is more my little guys style..Mama tried it last night (after Daddy technically made it!) and it was pretty yummy!

And then there was treats for us... the sap is running! Sugaring time!!!

This is our first year, but we are doing the whole compound with the help of my sisters boyfriend, who is a seasoned tree sappin' vet. We don't have enough trees to get a ton (with a 40 gallon to 1 gallon ratio, who really does?) But we will get enough to enjoy. The first batch was done Saturday night and promptly enjoyed on my pancakes Sunday morning!

Its amazing these simple little gifts- from a wood bowl & spoon to a sugary treat- can all be found right in our backyard!

Two Cents Too Many

Lately I have been getting very frustrated with unsolicited parenting advice. Not to sound ungrateful, because I am sure peoples intentions are good, but I find it somewhat invasive and brazen to tell someone else what they should or shouldn't be doing with their child. It's starting to really drive me nuts!

Now, the odd thing about this, is it's people who don't really know me or my parenting style. Coworkers, my mothers coworkers, my mother in law (who I'm sorry- raised the best man in the world- but her and I couldn't disagree about things MORE). I welcome advice from people when I seek it... or the occasional gentle suggestion from my Mama friends or Childcare provider. But when the receptionist at my work lectures me that I should practice "cry it out" and shouldn't co-sleep, well, that's when the helpfulness ends.

I do have a particular way I parent. That WE parent. Balance to us, is key. We don't co sleep all the time...but when it's called for, we do. I try not to give my son plastic crap, but yeah he has a few plastic toys. We do NOT practice CIO right now, maybe when he's old enough to understand, that will change. I exclusively breast feed, no formula, but foods coming. He has had some vaccinations, but others we have opted against. Balance, balance, balance. Every choice we make for him, we make with a thought process behind it.

I feel like each person should raise their child the way they see fit. You may do things differently than I and vice versa.

I read websites all the time that are filled with these awesome moms who have the best ideas and I adore reading what they do...and I do pick up ideas here and there that I feel apply to my method of parenting. To me, that's so warm and unobtrusive. I much prefer to gather my advice that way! The rest, well, I think I need to just tone them out!

The Struggle of Balance

I am enjoying motherhood more than I ever thought possible. Jack is the absolute definition of love and he is amazing to me (and my husband!) in every way. But with Jack, came a whole boat load of emotions that I expected...and a bunch that I had not.

Being a full time working Mom isnt really a choice for me right now...it's a must. We have a mortgage, a car payment and some other debts that we will be free of by the summer. In additon, my job has my insurance and I have a steadier income than my husband. And because of that, I commute one hour each way to work and have to leave my precious little boy with someone else during the day. I work a shortened day on Wednesdays so I can pick him up at 2:30, but all in all I am away from home (and him) 46 hours a week. And it sucks. Bad.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

I feel like I am missing special moments and he is growing so fast! I feel horrible that he misses me during the day and wonders where I am and why I have left him. Then I feel silly for thinking that. I know all working mothers must go through this. But I never expected it to be so hard.

I'm doing the best I can to make sure I am as present as possible during the few hours we have together during the week. I am still breastfeeding full time. I make sure all dinners are made on Sundays, so when I get home from work there is limited time stuck in the kitchen. I keep telling myself this is what I HAVE to do and by doing it, I am teaching him we need to work for what we have and sometimes do things we don't want to do. Hopefully we will get to a point where I can be home more and it will be that much more enjoyable, because I will know the other side. But for now, I have to find a way to keep myself going and try to be the best (guilt ridden) working mom I can be.

I'm back!

Well here he is! Jackson Evan was born on 10/11/11 at 4:59. Hard to believe 8 weeks have gone by already.... and we love him more and more each day!!

3 Weeks....

Three weeks from today, if all goes as planned, I will be a new mama. It's so hard to belive that 36 weeks have gone by and now, it just 3 short weeks, we will meet our little boy.
It seems surreal to even say that.
Of course, he could come any time now but our hopes is that he cooperates and stays where he is until 10/11. As I mentioned before, we are having a planned c-section due to some medical complications, but I am okay with that. It is what it is.
I have been a ball of emotions for sure. I'm annoyed with people telling me I'll never sleep again (first of all that's not even true....I will sleep again...just not as much....and don't you think I KNOW babies don't sleep 12 hours straight!?) and I'm sick of people at work asking me why I am so tired (um, I'm growing a person inside of me!). But I'm also excited to meet him, excited to have this bond with him and have this family with my husband. I can't wait to see what the combination of the two of us is like! I'm a little sad to lose my freedom, a little scared that we can't manage this financially and a little nervous (or alot nervous) about going through the birth. But all these things will work them self's out and before long it will all be a memory.
So, if you have any advice (please don't scare me!) or words of wisdom, feel free to send them my way. And hopefully I will have a very cute picture to send your way!

6 weeks and counting

I have a little more than 6 weeks left until our little Jack is born. His room is done and I find myself just wandering in at night, subconsciously looking to see if he has arrived yet. I have mountains of laundry to do and we have a bassinet to assemble but other than that, we are ready. I think.
Tiredness has hit me hard and I'm ready for a good nap come 3:00 in the afternoon. Before long, I'm sure this tiredness will be laughable. But at least then it will just be me and I won't have to worry as much about the stress on my body....and maybe I can indulge in a little caffeinated bliss.
I told my husband last night that I am so looking forward to transferring some of this connection to our son to him... and some of the responsibility. I feel like I became a Mom as soon as I felt him move for the first time. And I've cared for him and worried about him from the time I have known he existed. It's like we know each other, but I don't know what he looks like. My husband on the other hand, while I'm sure he loves him, hasn't really cared for him yet. And that's all about to change.